DO. Say what you will about Spanish gangster dudes, but I
like‘em. They have names like “Smiley”, “Stinky” and
“Sunshine” and ride kids’ bikes like these, all in the hopes
that someone will be dumb enough to say something they can
kill them over.
Running away from home is adorable at any age.
DO. Over 60 percent of what we say is communicated
via body language. This gesture is saying,
“I big-upped Vice on Proj Run so I could dress like
a sex-addict IP guy and THEY still make me a DO.”
DO. While you guys are texting me to say that you can’t come
out because you're “super tired” this girl didn’t even
let death-by-drowning get in the way of a good night.
Can I get some more friends like her please?
DON'T. Something tells me I would be physically incapable
of agreeing with anything that comes out of this
guy’s post-steampunk mouth. He could be reading
my mom’s homemade brownie recipe aloud and I’d
still be like, “Fuck that. NO.”
DON'T. Who’d have guessed that new Devendra Banhartt/
Ke$ha/ New York Dolls collaboration is a piece
DON'T. I retook this photo like, 9 times and every time
it came out with this cringey fake vintage Flickr
coloration thing. I thought it was broken, but
after this guy walked off I took another photo and
it was fine. Weird.
DON'T. Any old asshole can fingerpaint “wisdom”
and “good action” (?) on their sleeves, but few
have what it takes to step out into the public
sphere and bring those words to life.
DON'T. I had no idea how exhausting making me
eternally grateful for my genes and early
DON'T. If I’d spent $10 billion on a jacket
and $6 squillion on my face I’d expect to not
look like Kaa from The Jungle Book in a tranny wig.
DO. When most people call someone “ahead of their
time,” they’re usually thinking in terms of
years or decades. Rarely geological eras.
DON'T. Why are religious people so proud of how
totally fucking clueless they were? For example, these
ridiculous cones are from 700 years ago when doctors
told them burning herbs on your head makes you immune
to the plague. What? The bible should change its name
to When We Were Retards.
DO. You know when you see something in another country with
English words written on it that are basically nonsensical
because it looks cool, and the person who owns it has no
idea what it means? Like a child’s backpack in Japan that
says “Obama Harry Potter Dragonball Z Brad Pitt”? This car
is just like that.
DO. Because I love everything with this outfit. Especially the
sunglasses, the color of the coat and the horsebit buckles.
DON'T. Watching too many foreign art films is
really, really bad for the shoes. DO. Contemplative Ghanaian bicycle dancers may not
be representative of much of the earth's population,
but I still think this is the guy we should send
to meet the aliens. It's a good look for us.
Pretty much all of these pictures and the text is from
VICE. I love them for making me laugh so hard.