DO. Say what you will about Spanish gangster dudes, but I like‘em. They have names like “Smiley”, “Stinky” and “Sunshine” and ride kids’ bikes like these, all in the hopes that someone will be dumb enough to say something they can kill them over. Running away from home is adorable at any age. Nils Holgersson! DO. Over 60 percent of what we say is communicated via body language. This gesture is saying, “I big-upped Vice on Proj Run so I could dress like a sex-addict IP guy and THEY still make me a DO.” DO. While you guys are texting me to say that you can’t come out because you're “super tired” this girl didn’t even let death-by-drowning get in the way of a good night. Can I get some more friends like her please? DON'T. Something tells me I would be physically incapable of agreeing with anything that comes out of this guy’s post-steampunk mouth. He could be reading my mom’s homemade brownie recipe aloud and I’d still be like, “Fuck that. NO.” DON'T. Who’d have guessed that new Devendra Banhartt/ Ke$ha/ New York Dolls collaboration is a piece of shit. DON'T. I retook this photo like, 9 times and every time it came out with this cringey fake vintage Flickr coloration thing. I thought it was broken, but after this guy walked off I took another photo and it was fine. Weird. DON'T. Any old asshole can fingerpaint “wisdom” and “good action” (?) on their sleeves, but few have what it takes to step out into the public sphere and bring those words to life. DON'T. I had no idea how exhausting making me eternally grateful for my genes and early upbringing was. DON'T. If I’d spent $10 billion on a jacket and $6 squillion on my face I’d expect to not look like Kaa from The Jungle Book in a tranny wig. DO. When most people call someone “ahead of their time,” they’re usually thinking in terms of years or decades. Rarely geological eras. DON'T. Why are religious people so proud of how totally fucking clueless they were? For example, these ridiculous cones are from 700 years ago when doctors told them burning herbs on your head makes you immune to the plague. What? The bible should change its name to When We Were Retards. DO. You know when you see something in another country with English words written on it that are basically nonsensical because it looks cool, and the person who owns it has no idea what it means? Like a child’s backpack in Japan that says “Obama Harry Potter Dragonball Z Brad Pitt”? This car is just like that.
DO. Because I love everything with this outfit. Especially the sunglasses, the color of the coat and the horsebit buckles.
DON'T. Watching too many foreign art films is really, really bad for the shoes. DO. Contemplative Ghanaian bicycle dancers may not be representative of much of the earth's population, but I still think this is the guy we should send to meet the aliens. It's a good look for us. Pretty much all of these pictures and the text is from VICE. I love them for making me laugh so hard.